Examples Of Approval-Seeking Behavior
1. Taking disagreement personally: When someone disagrees with something you’ve said or done, do you take it to heart as a personal slight and end up feeling upset or even insulted?
This is a classic response for a people pleaser because, quite clearly, the quest for approval has failed. It’s unsurprising, then, that you would feel hurt.
2. Changing or adapting your point of view in the face of apparent disapproval: You’ve voiced your opinion on some matter, important or not, and someone responds with an opposing view.
Do you vigorously defend your position or find yourself softening your argument in order to fit more closely with theirs?
An approval seeker’s opinion changes depending on who they’re talking to because they lack confidence in their own convictions and are keen not to alienate others by adopting a conflicting view.
3. Afraid to say ‘no’ for fear of disapproval: Are you a serial over-committer? Do you always say ‘yes’ when asked to do something, when your instinctive response is actually to say ‘no’?
The end result of this behavior is to run yourself ragged and ultimately leads to resentment of all the things you’ve committed yourself to doing.
But it stems from that need to please and your quest for approval.
4. Not standing up for your own rights: Being a human doormat – to be walked over by whoever chooses to do so – is so much easier than saying “hey, no, that’s not fair” and standing up for yourself.
Failing to draw a line and say ‘no’ just reinforces your lack of self-belief and even causes others to think less of you. Ultimately, this intensifies your feelings of inferiority.
5. Gaining attention or acceptance through gossip: Ah, yes, the gossip demon: the urge to tell tales to make yourself look better or smarter or more knowledgeable.
Being the teller of tales gives you the power to impress others, to be the center of attention, and to gain kudos. This temporarily bolsters your low self-esteem.
6. Appearing to agree with someone (verbally/non-verbally) when you don’t: How often do you find yourself listening to an enthusiastically expressed opinion that you don’t agree with one jot, but nevertheless adopt the automatic affirmative response?
By expressing support for such a view, either with words or a nod of your head, you’re not being true to yourself. You just want that person to approve of you and like you.
Tags: Don’t Seek Approval
