Little Tail

Desires

The more we realize how futile the ego’s activities truly are, the less it is able to seduce us with its desires or terrify us with its fears. As a result, the spiritual balance of power starts to shift in our favor. Although desires and fears continue to arise, we can now view them with a certain amount of detachment, and, thus, no longer feel as compelled to act on them as we once did. This, in turn, brings even more spaciousness into our lives and a new sense of freedom.

When we cease to be dominated by the ego’s needs, our self concerns naturally begin to fall away, and we can afford to feel more loving and compassionate toward others. Eventually we can afford to feel compassion even for the ego itself because we come to recognize that it, too, is a suffering being! We see that all its obstinacy and resistance has been motivated not by any evil intent but by its own past sufferings and its horror of future annihilation. Consequently, instead of treating the ego as the “enemy,” we learn to embrace it with an open heart, just as a loving mother would a wounded child.

For most seekers this represents a momentous step, and it may well seem that the end of our journey is at last in sight. But just because we have learned to love the ego, this does not mean that the ego reciprocates and is now ready to give up the ghost. On the contrary, it is precisely at this point that the ego is likely to try out one of the most deceptive, and therefore dangerous, ploys. This is to offer to join the seeker as a full partner in the spiritual quest!

Initially, accepting such a novel proposal may strike us as an ideal way to resolve the internal combat that has consumed so much of our energy. What’s more, with the ego on board as an actual ally, it seems there is virtually nothing our combined efforts cannot accomplish! The truth, however, is that if we agree to this pact, we will have accepted a Trojan horse into the innermost citadel of our spiritual life.

At first, the pace of our spiritual progress may, indeed, seem to accelerate in remarkable ways. Since we are no longer wasting time in worldly pursuits, all our energy can now be funneled directly into our practices. As a result, we find we can reach deep meditative states with relative ease. When practicing inquiry, a host of new insights is likely to come cascading through our minds. We may also become exceedingly scrupulous about keeping moral precepts and, during periods of devotion, we may well attain yet-undreamed-of heights of bliss.

The problem here is not that our path has suddenly started to produce such an abundance of fruits. The problem is that the ego now begins to claim these fruits for itself. “Look at what a great meditator I have turned into,” we will hear it say. “See how profound my understanding has become!” “Look how free I am of attachments.” “No one knows the subtleties of bliss I have experienced!” Moreover, relatively speaking, all this is quite true! We have become better meditators, gained genuine insights, acquired some real measure of freedom, become veritable connoisseurs of bliss – which is precisely what makes the trap we have fallen into so difficult to detect.

In reality, the ego has relinquished its position of dominance in our worldly affairs only so that it can usurp control over our spiritual life. And the more the ego succeeds in doing this, the more we fall prey to the most powerful of its spells, spiritual pride.

Because of spiritual pride we grow self-satisfied and complacent about our own progress while looking down on those who have not attained what we have. Although worldly praise and blame may no longer affect us, if anyone questions our spiritual accomplishments, our pride in them causes us to take great offense. And, worst of all, because we have become so enthralled with the subtleties of our practices, we become more interested in refining and perfecting these than in actually reaching the goal of Enlightenment.