Practice Communication and Clarify Boundaries
Some of us don’t mind our partners being in touch with their ex-partners or being friends with the opposite sex—and some of us do. Communication is the only way to deal with these issues and to make sure you’re on the same page. It may be tempting to dodge this conversation, but withholding your feelings will only lead to passive-aggressive behavior. It may be tempting to peek at your partner’s text messages or emails, but trust me, this will lead nowhere good. Talk openly and directly with your partner about your feelings. Try hard to withhold any judgment about how your partner feels, which may be very different from how you feel. They are entitled to their own feelings and may not have the same insecurities you do. This is not about right versus wrong but about finding common ground and setting limits that work for you both.
Once you know what your boundaries are – what upsets you, what makes you jealous and uncomfortable – you can know where to draw lines and then work through any issues that arise. You can’t say your partner is insensitive, disrespectful, or “should know better” if you’ve never communicated where your boundaries are. Your partner is not a mind reader, and it is unwise to assume that they think in the same way you do.
Own It, Learn from It, and Let It Go
When we can name our feelings and truly own our experience, we can move from a place of shame to a place of empowerment. It’s OK to feel jealous; you’re only human after all. The good (and hard) news is that jealousy gives us an opportunity to take a deeper look at ourself and what we need to feel safe and supported. We can use our jealous feelings in ways that help us grow and become more secure in ourself. We can recognize that jealousy is a distraction from something deeper happening internally, and it is calling for our attention to be worked on. It takes practice and a willingness to explore our pain. Once we can do this, we put ourself in a better position to let it go. What I mean by “let it go” is that you can acknowledge your experience, understand it for what it’s really about, and move through it in a way that brings more ease and peace to your life.
I cannot control what goes on outside. But I can always control what goes on inside.
Tags: Eliminate Jealousy
