Mule Kicked

Find Your Own Path

Misery-Maker 5: Blaming other people and situations for things you can control or passively accepting what you could change.

“She makes me mad.” “Brrr. It’s so cold in here.” “I wish he would understand how much I need some time alone right now.”

All these typical situations are within your circle of control, at least partially if not completely. For example, no one can “make you mad.” You can control your inner response to events much of the time. If you are cold, put on a sweater. If you want someone to understand you, speak up.

How to Stop the Misery: Change “it” and “you” language to “I” language. For example, speak out like this: “I didn’t like it when you said that. Please stop.” “I’m cold. Mind if I turn up the heat?” “I need some alone time right now.” Acting more assertive is thrilling, no matter how small the issue.

Misery-Maker 6: Creating suffering through bad habits and addictions.

Smoking. Overdrinking. Taking drugs. Leading a couch-potato life. These bad habits may seem like they relieve stress—and they may indeed relieve stress in the short run—but they are false friends. Eventually, they turn on you and make your life miserable, even cut it short.

How to Stop the Misery: Decide to change and make a plan. If your plan doesn’t work, see a therapist or check yourself into a program that can help you quit your self-destructive habit.

Misery-Maker 7: Comparing yourself to others.

“If only I had her looks!” “If only I had his personality!” Social comparison is an unending source of misery for most of us, because there will always be someone who is more beautiful, funnier, wiser, or richer.

How to Stop the Misery: Instead of comparing your situation to that of others, make your own life as good as possible. Find your own path. Instead of comparing yourself to those who are better off, make a “downward comparison” to those who are suffering more than you are. Things can always be worse. And for the most powerful antidote to social comparison, try this: gratitude. A practice of gratitude is one of the easiest and most rewarding good habits you can develop.