VBT – Meditation 59.4

VBT – Meditation 59.4

A Spiritual Discontent

This is how one always has a spiritual discontent. You are infinite. Nothing less will be helpful for you and nothing less will ever satisfy you. But every boundary is going to be finite. It is needed, it is necessary in a way, useful, but it is not true, it is not the truth. This inner mirror, this inner mind, is pure consciousness – just consciousness.

Just look at the light. You say the room is filled with light, but how do you see the light? You have never seen light itself, you cannot see it; you always see something lighted. Light falls on the walls, light falls on the books, light falls on other persons. It is reflected on those objects. Because you can see objects, you say light is there. When you cannot see objects, you say there is darkness. You have never seen light pure in itself. It is always seen reflected on some object.

Consciousness is even purer than light. It is the purest possibility in existence. If you become totally silent, all boundaries disappear and you will not be able to say who you are. You simply are, because there is no object you can feel yourself to be in contrast with. You cannot say that you are a subject, soul, or even a consciousness. Because of this purity of consciousness, you always know yourself through something else; you cannot know yourself directly. So when you create boundaries, you feel that you know yourself. With a name you feel you know yourself; with your riches you feel you know yourself. Something around you becomes the boundary and the pure consciousness is reflected back.

When Buddha attained enlightenment he said, “I am no more.” When you attain that state you will also say, “I am no more,” because without a boundary how can you be? When Shankara attained, he said, “I am all.” Both mean the same. If you are the “all,” you are no more. All or nothing – only two possibilities are there, but in both the possibilities you are not. If you are all, the BRAHMAN, then you are not. If you are not, totally a nothingness, then too you are not. Because of this, it is a necessary part of life to become identified. And it is good, because unless you become identified you cannot become unidentified. Unless you become identified, you cannot become unidentified! At least once, one has to become identified.

It is like this: if you are born healthy and have never been ill, you will never be aware of your health.

You cannot be, because awareness of health needs a background of disease and illness. You will have to fall ill to know that you were healthy or what health is. The other pole will be needed. Eastern esoteric science says this is why the world is, so that you can experience that you are divine. The world gives a contrast.

Go into a school, and you will see that the teacher is writing on a blackboard with white chalk. He can write on a white board too, but then it will be meaningless because it will be invisible, it won’t be seen. Only on a blackboard can one write with white chalk so that it is seen. The blackboard is a necessity for the white writing to become visible.

The world is just a blackboard, and you become visible because of it. This is an inherent polarity, and it is good. That is why in the East we have never said that the world is bad; we take it just as a school, a training. It is good because only in contrast will you be able to know your purity. When you come into the world you become identified. With identification you enter; the world starts. So you will have to fall ill to know your inner health.