Codependency – In Gita Verse 1.27 When the son of Kuntī, Arjuna, saw all these different grades of friends and relatives, he became overwhelmed with compassion and spoke thus.
When Arjuna observed the various grades of friends and relatives assembled for battle, he was struck with profound pity. This reaction signified a shift in his awareness from his internal self to the external world, resulting in a state of unconsciousness. In this context, unconsciousness refers to the loss of self-awareness and the onset of codependency.
Codependent relationships are marked by several key characteristics, including a compulsion to “fix” someone, relying on another person for happiness, and feeling an overwhelming need to be around them. When our fear of losing someone surpasses our fear of losing ourselves in the relationship, it is a clear indicator of codependency. For instance, if we find ourselves repeatedly forgiving someone and enduring constant disappointment or frustration out of fear that they will leave us, we are allowing fear to dictate the relationship, making us prisoners to their behaviour.
In such scenarios, roles are established, and the more we cling to these roles, the more dependent we become on the other person to reinforce our identity. This mutual reinforcement creates a boundary between healthy and unhealthy relationships, distinguishing between unconditional love and codependency. When our feelings take a backseat to appease the other person, fear of upsetting them (and consequently losing them) masquerades as unconditional love and forgiveness.
It is crucial to understand that another person cannot make us feel worthy, validated, accepted, or loved unless we have first unconditionally accepted and loved ourselves. Similarly, no one can make us feel secure, confident, respected, or important if we have not cultivated these feelings within ourselves. Often, when we realise we lack confidence, independence, or fearlessness, we make the mistake of trying to become who we think we “should” be to prove our worth to ourselves and the other person.
However, this approach is unsustainable because denying parts of ourselves only allows them to persist. What we avoid, deny, or pretend will continue to resurface at inopportune moments, signalling that the relationship is codependent. Healthy relationships do not require strategies or tactics to manipulate the other person’s behaviour. People who respect themselves and each other do not need to employ such measures.
Arjuna, despite understanding his role and the purpose of the war, became unconscious of himself. The verse states, “he became overwhelmed with compassion and spoke thus,” indicating a lapse in self-awareness. This does not imply that he was entirely unconscious. In Bhagavad Gita Verse 1.14, The positioning of Krishna and Arjuna on a great chariot with white horses, coupled with the sounding of their conch shells, symbolised their alertness to both the objective and subjective worlds. This act did not merely declare their power in the objective world but also highlighted their awareness of the subjective realm.
Arjuna’s request for Krishna to position his chariot in the middle of the battlefield was an attempt to gauge his self-awareness in the presence of his family and friends before the war commenced. He wanted to test his ability to remain self-alert amidst the emotional turmoil.
If we evaluate our self-awareness before any action, our actions will be more aligned with our true selves. This alignment transforms even mundane acts into divine experiences.
Tags: Codependency
