Life You Want
Jealousy: How to Stop Comparing Yourself to Others and Coming Up Short.
Have you ever compared yourself to another person?
If you’re human–and honest–you probably answered “yes.”
How do you stop making these comparisons that so often work to your disadvantage in creating the relationships and life you want?
Here are a few ideas…
1. Become aware that you are doing it.
Awareness is the first step in making any change. Believe it or not, your comparisons start losing their power over you when you start noticing them when they come up.
Notice them from an objective place.
You can even say something like this to yourself–“Isn’t that interesting? I’m comparing myself to my partner’s ex and he’s not even in contact with her.” It’s like you’re talking to yourself but instead of agreeing with your fears, you’re actually just stating a fact.
2. Choose love not fear.
Even though you may not realize it and it may even sound silly, it might be out of your comfort level to commit to creating a close, connected loving relationship–one without drama and pain.
In the beginning of our relationship, it was far easier for Susie to believe that Otto would leave her for someone younger than to go for what she wanted–and create it with him.
In other words, fear got in her way.
But in our case, we chose to risk going for it –going for love–and you can too.
3. Stay in the present moment–not the past or the future.
We’ve said this many times–the present moment is all we have.
If you really stopped to think about it, most of your pain (and ours as well) is the result of living in the past or the future.
When your thoughts lapse into worrying about what happened in the past–maybe about your partner’s ex’s – or fear of what might happen in the future, bring yourself gently back to the present moment.
You can remind yourself by grounding yourself and saying something like this…
“It’s 3pm, Friday afternoon, I’m sitting in my office and I have work in front of me.”
or
“I’m sitting in front of my partner and we’re having a good time right now.”
Getting over the “Comparison Disease” involves focusing on you and your thoughts.
When you find that you are tempted to compare yourself unfavorably to others, stop yourself–focus instead on what’s in front of you in this present moment and on love, not fear.
To change any habitual thought, it takes one moment at a time.
Be kind to yourself.
Tags: Eliminate Jealousy
