Social Pressure
Misery-Maker 8: Not being yourself.
Social pressure can warp your mind and your actions. You may find yourself trying to “have fun” in ways that are not really fun. You may present yourself in one way when you actually feel a different way underneath. True, in some situations, like in your work life, you may often need to play a role to get by. If this is the case with you, figure out how best to express who you are in other areas of your life.
How to Stop the Misery: Notice what you really enjoy. Notice what makes you feel good about yourself. Notice what seems to be good for your personal growth. Gradually, make choices much more in harmony with your “True Self.” Say “no” to activities and people that drain your self-confidence and energy.
Misery-Maker 9: Falling for the belief that you can’t change.
“I’m just this way.” “My father was like this too, so I’ve got the genes for smoking.”
Self-acceptance is usually a positive thing, but not if you are using it as an excuse to avoid the work of necessary change. Although it does take work, you can decide to change behavioral habits and do it successfully. For example, you can learn to listen instead of interrupting. You can create an exercise program. You can speak up for yourself.
Recent research suggests that you can even change aspects of your personality that seem inborn and permanent. A recent review of over 200 studies indicated that therapy could cause personality changes relatively quickly, even in as little as 4-8 weeks. People with emotional instability who were in therapy benefited the most, increasing their ability to handle stressors and reduce inner turmoil.
How to Stop the Misery: Notice your own belief system about change. Begin to question it. Ask yourself: “Would I like to change? Would I benefit from changing?” Then make a plan and tinker with it until you can get it to work.
Misery-Maker 10: Thinking that you have to do it all yourself.
“I should be able to handle this. Why can’t I?” “Everyone else seems just fine but me.”
This self-talk keeps you from getting the emotional support that you need. There’s nothing as potentially life-changing as talking regularly with a good therapist who can help you solve problems, discover new perspectives, and grow.
How to Stop the Misery: Do regularly meditation. Keep an open mind.
Tags: Drop Self-Caused Suffering Find Your Own Path Self-Talk
