If an inner conflict exists in you between sun and moon, then you will always be interested in the outer woman. If you are a man, you will be interested in the outer woman; you will be fascinated by the outer woman. If you are a woman, you will be fascinated by the outer man. Once the inner conflict is resolved and your sun energy is moving into the moon energy and there is no longer any rift, they are bridged; then you will not be fascinated by the outer woman or outer man. For the first time you will be sexually content.

I am not saying that you will leave the outer woman. There is no need. Or you will leave the outer man – there is no need. But now the whole relationship will be totally different – very harmonious. It will not be a relationship of need; rather, it will be a relationship of sharing. Right now when a man approaches a woman it is a question of need. He wants to use the woman as a means. The woman wants to use the man as a means. That’s why all women and all men are continuously in a fight: basically they are fighting within themselves. The same fight is reflected outwards.

And when you are using a woman, how can you think the woman can be totally at ease with you, in harmony? She feels she is being reduced to a means. And no man or woman is a means. She feels she is being used like a thing, reduced to a thinghood. Her soul seems to be lost; that’s why she is angry. And she tries to reduce the man to a thing. She turns the husband into a henpecked husband; she forces him. And this goes on.

This is more a conflict than love – a struggle. More like war than like love – more like hatred than like love.

Once you are in tune with your inner woman and man, suddenly you are in tune with others also.

Your inner conflict disappears; your outer conflict disappears. The outer is just a shadow to the inner. Then you can be related; or you may not be related. You are totally independent. Then it is whatsoever you choose it to be. If you want to be related, you can be related; but there will be no conflict. If you don’t want to be related, if you want to be alone, you can be alone; and there will be no loneliness. This is the beauty when one comes to an organic unity inside.

That’s what Patanjali’s whole effort is: how to transform the solar energy into lunar energy. And then, how to be a witness to both, meeting, merging, becoming one. How to be transcendental to them.

The mind will never allow you; unless you drop the mind. The mind always is divided because that is its very blood; it depends on division. So you are a man, you are a woman-this is division, this is mind. Who is a Buddha – a man or a woman? We have a symbolic representation of Shiva as Ardhanarishwar – half-man/ half-woman. That’s perfect. And that has to be so because you are born of a father and a mother – half of you comes from your father, half of you comes from your mother. So at the most the difference between a woman and man is a difference of emphasis; it is not a difference of quality. The woman is consciously woman, unconsciously man; the man is consciously man, unconsciously woman. That’s all the difference is.

Very difficult, because your minds have been conditioned to be a man or to be a woman, and society emphasizes the roles too much. It does not allow a fluid being; it makes solids of you. When the boy and the girl can understand, the parents start emphasizing, “You are a boy. Don’t play with dolls; that’s not good for a boy. You are going to be a man. This is for girls.” Men don’t count girls at all. “Sissy, girlish. Don’t do it; be a man.” And the small boy, not knowing where he is being led, starts focusing on being a man more and more. He goes far away from his original unity, the pure unity of his being. He becomes a man, that is half his being. And a girl becomes a woman, that is half her being. She is told not to climb on the trees; that is only for boys. What nonsense. Trees are for all. “Don’t go swimming in the river; that is for the boys.” Rivers are for all.

That’s how humanity is impoverished. Hmm?… The girl is given a certain role and the boy is given a certain role. Their totality is completely lost. They become fixed in their windows; they cannot see the whole sky; the frame of the window becomes too much.

Man is a frame, woman is a frame – it is not your being. Don’t be too identified with the frame. Get out of it.

Once you start loosening, relaxing, and once you start reabsorbing the rejected, the denied part; you will become so enriched you cannot even imagine, dream. Then your being will be whole.

And that’s what I mean when I want you to be holy. I don’t mean become a Catholic monk or become a Buddhist monk or a Jain monk. All stupid. I want you to become holy, holy in the sense of being whole. Become total. Reclaim whatsoever has been denied by society; don’t be afraid of reclaiming it. Don’t be afraid – if you are a man, don’t be afraid of being a woman sometimes.

Somebody has died; you cannot weep because you are a man and tears are only meant for women.

What a beautiful thing – tears – denied to man. Then man becomes more and more hard, violent, anxious. And then there is no wonder if Adolf Hitlers, are born. A man whose tears have disappeared is bound to become Adolf Hitler some day or other. He is bound to become a Genghis Khan, whose tears have disappeared. Then he will become incapable of feeling sympathy; then he will become so hard that he will not be able to feel what he is doing to people. Hitler killed millions with not even a small prick in his conscience. He is really the man; the woman has completely disappeared – the compassion, the love, all disappeared. The tears have disappeared.

I would like men also to cry like women. Tears flowing, they will soften your heart. They will make you more liquid and flowing. They will melt your window frame, and they will allow you to have a bigger sky.

Women are not allowed to laugh uproariously – no woman is allowed to laugh. That is against feminine grace. What nonsense. If you cannot laugh deeply, you will miss much. The laughter must come from the belly. The laughter must be so hilarious that the whole body shakes with it. It should not be heady. But women smile; they don’t laugh. An uproarious laugh is so unladylike. Then ladies live a very feverish life. By and by they become more and more filmy, more and more dreamlike, not real, not authentic.

Don’t become ladies and gentlemen. Become holy. And the whole integrates all and everything.

And the whole integrates God and Devil both. Then there is no division; then the mind drops. A holy man has no mind.

If the holy man is still Catholic, he is not holy, because he has a Catholic mind. If the holy man is still Hindu, he is not holy; he has a Hindu mind.

If you have a mind, you cannot be holy. Howsoever virtuous, the mind remains unholy because the mind cannot be whole. Remember it.

One evening Mulla Nasruddin said to his wife, “Bring us some cheese to eat, for cheese enhances the appetite and makes the eyes bright.”

“We are out of cheese,” the wife said.

“That’s good,” Mulla replied, “for cheese is injurious to the teeth and gums.”

“Which of your statements is then true?” she asked.

Mulla answered, “If there is cheese in the house, the first one; if not, the second.”

This is the way the mind functions.

You love a woman if she becomes available to you; if not, you hate. If the cheese is in the house, the first; if the cheese is not in the house, the second.

Drop divisions; drop dividing. Live life as a whole. It will be difficult, I know, because for centuries the mind has been conditioned to divide. Unloosening it, unhinging it, is going to be difficult, but it is worth it – because you are missing so much.

Psychologists say that ninety-eight percent of life is being missed. Ninety eight percent. Only two percent is being lived because the window frame does not allow more than that.

Break the window, break the frame – bum it! Your Hinduism, your Christianity, your Jainism – burn them! And come out of them. If you can come out of all your ideologies, attitudes, prejudices, you will become whole.

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