VBT – Meditation 87.3
Feeling Your Being
I AM EXISTING. Try it. And you can do it anywhere. Just riding in a bus, or travelling in a train, or just sitting, or lying down on your bed, try to feel existence as it is; don’t think about it. Suddenly you will become aware that you have not known many things which are continuously happening to you.
You have not felt your body. You have your hands, but you have not ever felt it – what it says, and what it continuously goes on informing you; how it feels.
Sometimes it is heavy and sad, sometimes it is happy and light. Sometimes everything flows in it, sometimes everything is dead. Sometimes you feel it alive, dancing, sometimes as if there is no life in it – frozen, dead; hanging on you, but not alive.
When you start feeling your being, you will come to know the moods of your hands, of your eyes, of your nose, of your body. It is a big phenomenon; there are subtle nuances. The body goes on telling you and you are not there to hear it. And existence all around you goes on penetrating you in subtle ways, in many ways, in different ways, but you are not aware. You are not there to receive it, to welcome it.
When you start feeling existence, the whole world becomes alive to you in a totally new way; you have not known it. Then you pass through the same street and the street is not the same, because now you are grounded in existence. You meet the same friends but they are not the same, because you are different. You come back to your house and the wife you have lived with for years is not the same.
Now you are aware of your own being, you become aware of the other’s being. When the wife becomes angry, you can enjoy even her anger, because now you can feel what is happening. And if you can feel it, anger may not look like anger; it may become love. If you can feel it deep down, then anger shows that she still loves you. Otherwise she would not be angry; she would not bother. She still waits for you the whole day. She is angry because she loves you. She is not indifferent.
Remember, anger or hate or not the real opposites of love – indifference is the real opposite. When someone is indifferent to you, love is lost. If someone is not even ready to be angry with you, then everything is lost. But ordinarily if your wife is angry you react more violently, you become aggressive. You cannot understand the symbolic meaning of it. You are not grounded in yourself.
You have not really known your own anger; that’s why you cannot understand others’ anger.
If you know your own anger, if you can feel it in its total mood, then you know others’ anger also.
You are angry only when you love someone, otherwise there is no need. Through anger the wife is saying that she still loves you, she is not indifferent to you. She has been waiting, waiting, and now the whole waiting has become anger.
She may not say it directly, because the language of feeling is not direct. And that has become a big problem today – because you cannot understand the language of feeling, because you don’t know your own feelings. You are not grounded in your own being. You can understand only words, you cannot understand feelings. Feelings have their own way of expression, and they are more basic, more real.
Tags: Feeling Your Being
