VBT – Meditation 17.3

Awake Yourself

Christianity has a tremendously beautiful concept of forgiveness. Christianity says: If you ask to be forgiven from your deepest core, you will be forgiven. Why? Is there somebody who can forgive you? No, but if you ask in intense passion to be forgiven, the very idea of repentance becomes forgiveness. If you have really asked, realised that you have done something wrong; if it has been a total realisation and you accept the responsibility that it was wrong and that you are ready to repent for it and you repent wholeheartedly, the very repentance becomes the forgiveness. Then there is no need to do anything else, because all sins are nothing but unconscious acts. Repentance makes you conscious, alert. Sin is like darkness. You bring a light, a lamp into darkness and darkness disappears. Sin is because you are asleep.

If you repent, you awake yourself. Because there is no other way to repent unless you awake yourself, unless you come to realise and see what you have been doing, how you have been living, how you have been wasting, how you have been hurting. When you come to realise it, a flame starts burning in you, an awareness; and in that awareness, in that light, darkness disappears. It is not that there is a God personified sitting somewhere on a throne in heaven who goes on forgiving you. There is nobody to forgive you. But if you repent, you will be forgiven.

God is not a person; God is the totality. God is existence, the totality of being. It is not that you have to pray to Him so that He can forgive, no. In your praying you are forgiven. The very prayer, the very recognition that you have been wrong and you recognize it and you repent, is enough. All that you have been up to then is wiped, washed. You are cleansed of it. The old is gone, the new is born. This is resurrection.

Husbands and wives continue to quarrel, and for centuries and centuries there have been counsellors, advisors, great men who have been teaching how to live and love – but they go on quarrelling. Freud, for the first time, became aware of the phenomenon that whenever you are in love – so-called love – you are also in hate. In the morning it is love, in the evening it is hate, and the pendulum goes on moving. Every husband, every wife knows this, but Freud has a very uncanny insight. Freud says that if a couple has stopped fighting, know well that love has died.

That love which existed with hate and fight cannot remain, so if you see a couple never fighting, do not think that this is the ideal couple. It means no couple at all. They are living parallel, but not with each other. They are parallel lines never meeting anywhere, not even to fight. They are both alone together – parallel.

Mind has to move to the opposite, so psychology now gives better advice. The advice is better, more deep, more penetrating. It says that if you really want to love – with the mind – then do not be afraid to fight. Really, you must fight authentically so you can move to the other extreme of authentic love. So when you are fighting with your wife, do not avoid it; otherwise the love will also be avoided.

When the time for fight is there, fight until the end. Then by evening you will be able to love: the mind will have gathered momentum. The ordinary love cannot exist without fight because there is a movement of the mind. Only a love which is not of the mind can exist without fight, but then it is a different thing altogether.

A Buddha loving… that is a different thing altogether. But if Buddha comes to love you, you will not feel good because there will be no fault in it. It will be simply sweet and sweet and sweet – and boring, because the spice comes from the fight. A Buddha cannot be angry, he can only love. You will not feel his love because you can feel only opposites; you can feel it only in contrast.

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