The Hassid mystic, Zusia, was dying, and he started praying.
Tears were flowing down from his eyes and he was trembling.
And somebody asked ‘What is the matter? Why are you trembling?’
He was saying ‘I am trembling for a certain reason. This is my last moment, I am dying. Soon I will be facing my God, and I am certain he is not going to ask me “Zusia, why were you not a Moses?
If he asks I will say “Lord, because you didn’t give me the qualities of a Moses!”; there will be no problem. He will not ask me “Why were you not the Rabbi Akiba?” I will tell him “Sir, you never gave me the qualities of being an Akiba, that’s why.”
But I am trembling because if he asks “Zusia, why were you not a Zusia” then I will have nothing to answer, then I will have to look down in shame. That’s why I am trembling and these tears are flowing.
My whole life I tried to become Moses or Akiba or somebody else, and I completely forgot that he wanted me to be just Zusia and nobody else. Now I am trembling, now I am afraid. If he asks this question, what am I going to answer?
How will I be able to raise my eyes when he says “Why were you not Zusia? You were given all the qualities of being a Zusia, how did you miss?”
And I have missed in imitating others.’
Why tears comes out because either we have lived our life as per other’s expectations or imitating others. Why we want to imitate others?
In order to survive and evolve, humankind had to learn and invent many things including socially accepted behavior.
There are stronger, smarter and more honored individuals in the human society. These were the ones with a higher social status. All the others had to develop certain behavioral patterns to show their respect and honor to the strongest. For example, if such an honored man wore a handkerchief as a decorative accessory, the rest of the group would consider it to be trendy and an absolute must for them to wear too.
In the survival game we have lost ourselves. This is the reason for our misery. If we want we can help ourselves by Being Ourselves.
So learning from the story is Be Yourself.
We all know and told by many people around us Be Yourself. It is not about the knowledge that Be Yourself, it is about knowing.
Directly and immediately you can not Be Yourself, but if you become more aware of the moment, you can be with Yourself. Like we cannot fight with darkness but we can bring the light and darkness disappears. Same way if you become alert of your ego you will open door for Yourself.
Distinguish Between the Voice of Ego and the Actual Situation:
Awareness is the beginning of becoming free of the ego because then you realize that your thoughts—and the negative emotions they produce—are dysfunctional and unnecessary. For example, you are in supermarket line. As you stand waiting, you aren’t actually irritated because it’s taking a long time to get through to the checkout, which is the situation. You are irritated by what your mind is telling you about the situation—which is that all this waiting is bad and a waste of your time. But you could actually be enjoying that moment if you say, “This is simply what is. There’s nothing I can do about it, so why not breathe in deeply and look around and enjoy the world around me?”
What is the difference when you were irritated and when you started enjoying – when you were irritated mind was using you and when you started enjoying you were using the mind.
Bring In Your Awareness
When you see the difference between your voice and the reality of the situation, that’s the beginning of awakening. This is often a moment—a flash that sizzles and disappears. Initially you still lose yourself again, and the old thoughts arise, but gradually, you gain awareness, and the dysfunctional thoughts subside. It’s a gradual transition, this bringing in of your awareness, because the ego doesn’t want to change. It doesn’t want to disappear, so it will give you plenty of reasons why you cannot be present.