Fear Of Failure
Failure is so important. We speak about success all the time. It is the ability to resist failure or use failure that often leads to greater success. I’ve met people who don’t want to try for fear of failing. – J.K. Rowling
Can anyone learn how to ride a bicycle if they’re too afraid to fall? No, right? The same is true for your life. When you try, you learn and get closer to success.
Why Fear of Failure Can Keep You Stuck
There are many reasons why we are afraid of failure. Find out what yours is.
1. Failing is embarrassing: No one is proud of failing. People don’t congratulate one another for failing to lose weight, failing to graduate, or failing to advance in their careers. In fact, if there is a feeling that failing never causes, that would be pride. But it does cause shame. Failing is embarrassing. What will people think? How can I tell them that I wasn’t able to get the promotion, write the book, or pass my licensing exam? Will they think I am not trying hard enough or that I am not meant to achieve big things? Will they feel sorry for me? When your headspace is occupied with such thoughts, fear of failure intensifies and blocks you from taking action.
2. Failing means I don’t have what it takes: Success, for many people, is intertwined with their sense of self-worth. It is a form of validation that they have what it takes to be successful. Success, and consequently failure, is a measure of who they are. Therefore, they interpret failing as evidence that that they aren’t smart, skilled or talented enough to succeed.
3. Failing means I’m stuck: The reason we so fervently – and sometimes desperately – set goals is so that we can control our future. Success means you can shape your future the way you want it. But failure makes the future uncertain. What will happen if I fail? What will I do if my plans don’t come through? How will I manage the losses? Will I ever create the life I want? The fear of an uncertain future can be powerful enough to keep you stuck in a less than ideal, but relatively unambiguous present.
4. Failing means I’ll become irrelevant: Given society’s obsession with success and successful people, there is an implicit fear that failure is social suicide. Failing means that people will lose interest in you and eventually forget about you. If they don’t see a winner in you, they may no longer be willing to help you or work with you. You worry that failing means losing the opportunity to increase your social influence and be sought after.
5. Failing means letting people down: Another consequence of failing is the impact you imagine your lack of success could have on others. You assume that failing to achieve your goal will leave many important people in your life, like your family, your friends, or your employers, disappointed. The people that matter to you will be unhappy that you aren’t able to deliver on your promises, they will criticize your shortcomings, and they will lose trust in you.
These are some of the consequences of failing that keep people worried and anxious and prevent them from pursuing challenging goals. The alternative, of course, is even worse. Choosing not to pursue these goals means never giving them a chance to materialize. Fear of failure keeps you safe, but small. It doesn’t allow you to try new things, to take on new challenges, or to expose yourself to new situations. But it doesn’t have to. You can conquer the fear of failure easily when you understand better what causes it and how it affects you. Which of these consequences are you mostly scared of?
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