HOW IS IT THAT I AM STILL LOST?
Osho replied – Nobody can answer that question for you. You are lost; you must be knowing.
You must be playing hide-and-seek. I know that you know. You want to be lost, that’s why you are lost. The moment you decide not to be lost, nobody is hindering you, nobody is blocking the way. But you would like to have a little more of the dream: your whole prayer is, “God, let me be enlightened, but not right now.” That is your prayer: “Let me be awakened, but wait a little more.”
It happened in Ceylon: A great mystic was dying; he was a Master to millions of people. Knowing that he was dying, they all gathered. His whole life – and it was a long life, he lived almost a hundred years – he had been teaching about enlightenment. The day he was to depart, he came out of his hut for his last darshan, and he said, “Now I am leaving. Is there somebody who is ready to go with me? Today I will not teach; today I am ready to take you with me. If somebody is ready, he should stand.”
People started to look at each other… thousands and thousands of people, but nobody standing. The Master waited and he said, “It is getting late and I have to leave. Should I think that my whole life has been a wastage talking to you about enlightenment? And now I am giving it to you! You need not make any effort; I can take you with me. Anybody ready?”
One man stood halfheartedly and he said, “Wait! Please, tell me how to be enlightened, because you are leaving and I am not yet ready to follow you. There are many things to be done in the world. My son has just gone to the university, my daughter has to be married, my wife is ill and somebody has to take care…. When everything is finished, I will also come. So, please, just give me the method.”
The Master laughed and he said, “The whole life I have been giving methods.”
Why do you hide behind methods? People always ask for methods because in a method you can postpone easily, because a method has to be done – it will take time. And it is up to you to do or not to do, or do half heartedly or postpone. A method is a trick. When you ask about a method you are asking for something to hang on to so you can postpone, because the method has to be done.
There have been two schools all over the world. One school says enlightenment is sudden; another school says enlightenment is gradual. The people who have said enlightenment is sudden have never listened to much. They don’t have much following because how can you be with these people? They say it can happen right now if you are ready. People have always been following the other way, the gradual, because with the gradual you have enough space to postpone, enough time. There is no emergency and there is no urgency. It is not a question of here-now. Tomorrow, tomorrow will take care, and the other life and the next life… you can go on.
That Master was ready to take somebody, but nobody was ready to go. And you ask me, “How is it that I am still lost?” You know. If I tell you that right now there is the possibility – you can jump out of your being lost – you will immediately ask me how. You will ask about a method.
It is just like your house is on fire and somebody tells you, “Come out of it; the house is on fire. You will be burned.” If really you see that the house is on fire, if the flames are visible to you, you will not ask how. Will you ask how to come out? You will jump. You will jump from the balcony, you will jump from the window, you will jump from anywhere – you will find the way. Because it is not a question now to find the right way – any way is right. It is not a question of etiquette, that one should come out of the front door. When the house is on fire, you jump from the window. You risk your life because one moment more in the house and you will be burned. It is better to jump from the third story and be crippled for life than to be burned. You will jump out of it.
But if you say, “Yes, I know the house is on fire, but I will consult the scriptures and I will ask the gurus and I will seek and find a methodology how to come out,” what will this show? This will show that you are not aware that the house is on fire. You may be agreeing with the person that the house is on fire, but deep down you don’t see any fire anywhere. You are comfortable in this house; the fire is not yet an experience to you.
Buddha left his palace. His old servant, very faithful to him, his name was Chhanna, drove him out of the town, out of the capital, not knowing where he was going. Then, out of the kingdom, Buddha said, “Take my ornaments, my valuable clothes.” He cut his hair, beautiful curls, and he said, “Take all these. Give all these to my wife. I am renouncing the world.”
Chhanna started crying and weeping, and he said, “What are you doing? You are young. You don’t know the world as much as I know it. Everybody desires to have a palace, everybody desires to become a king, and you have a kingdom and you are leaving! Don’t take it wrongly, but I feel that you are behaving stupidly. I am an old man, older than your father. Listen to me! Come back. Are you mad? What are you doing?”
Buddha said, “Chhanna, you can’t see that that palace is nothing but flames, and you can’t see that the whole kingdom is on fire. I am not leaving it, I am escaping! I am not renouncing it, I am just saving myself, that’s all.”
Chhanna looked back. He couldn’t see the fire anywhere – the kingdom is absolutely silent. It was midnight, full moon night, everybody fast asleep… where is the fire? In sleep you cannot see it, only when you start awakening a little.
So don’t ask me why you are still lost. This is how you want it to be. You want to be lost, that’s why you are lost. If you don’t want it to be, there is no question – immediately, this very moment, you can be out of it. But nobody else can bring you out of it. I cannot bring you out of it. And it is good that nobody can bring you out of it, that’s why your freedom is intact. You want to continue the game? – Continue. If you don’t want to continue the game, you will jump out of it.
Nobody is hindering the path; nobody is blocking the way.
The moment you decide, the moment the decision matures, the moment you become ripe in awareness and you see the whole falsity of it, you will be out of it – the very same moment. Not even a single moment more will be needed. It is not a question of time; it is a question of understanding.
I FEEL I AM IN A LIMBO: NEITHER IN THIS WORLD NOR IN THAT, NEITHER A DOG NOR A GOD. HOW TO STEP OUT OF IT?
Osho replied – If you step out of it you will become a dog. If you are lost, completely lost – nobody is left who can step out of it – you will become a god. So don’t ask me how to step out of it. This is the ego asking how to step out of it. You are in a limbo? Beautiful, good. Get a little more lost – become the limbo. Get a little more lost! You are lost a little: the half of the dog is lost.
In India we have beautiful parables about the whole path of humanity. One of the most symbolic and meaningful stories is of the incarnation of God known as Narasimha – half man/half lion. One of the incarnations of the Hindu gods is Narasimha – half-man/half-lion. This is the state of limbo. When you start feeling that you are half-dog/half-god; when you start feeling that you are neither god nor dog, everything is lost, boundaries blurred; when you feel yourself in the middle of the bridge; this is a Narasimha state: half-man/half-lion.
If you try to get out of it, you will be fully lion, because you will be more condensed then. You will fall back. Getting out of it means falling out of it, falling back. That will not be a progress, growth. No need. Get more and more lost. Why are you so afraid of the limbo? Because you are feeling a little lost, the identity is no longer clear; you cannot see your own image perfectly, the boundaries blurred; your face is no longer fixed. Your life has become more fluid. It is no longer like a stone. It is more like water, without any shape, formless. You are afraid.
The one who is afraid within you is the dog, because if you go a few steps more the dog will be lost completely.
First, when one starts on the journey, one is like frozen water, ice, cold, stonelike.
When one moves, the frozenness melts, the ice becomes water. This is the state of the limbo, the state of Narasimha, half way. If you go further ahead you will evaporate. Not only that you will be liquid water, you will become an evaporation.
You will be seen no more; you will simply disappear. If you become afraid of the disappearance, you will fall back. You will try to get frozen again so that you can get a shape, a form, a name – nama-rupa: name and form. Hindus have called this world the world of nama-rupa, name and form. Then you will have an identity; you will know who you are.
Only a dog knows who he is – everything settled, relaxed. If you move on the path, everything is unhinged – mountains are no longer mountains, rivers no longer rivers. Great confusion arises, chaos; but remember, only out of chaos, dancing stars are born. Remember, only out of chaos God is found. Then, the third stage is: evaporate, disappear completely without leaving a trace behind.
Not even a footprint is left. You are nowhere. You have become a nowhere – and this is the state I call the state of God.
That’s why you cannot see God. You go on searching and searching: you will be lost one day, and that will be how God is found. God will not be found. You will not encounter God standing somewhere, because who will encounter? If you are still there to encounter, God is not possible. When you are no longer there, whom will you encounter? You will not encounter God as an object. You will encounter him as your innermost core. But that is possible only when you melt, you become fluid like water, then you evaporate – you become a cloud moving in the sky, with no address, no name, no form, a hidden cloud, whereabouts unknown.
That is the fear: because it is a great death. It is dying to the whole past. All that you are has to be left, crucified. Die before death, that’s the only way to become a god. Don’t be afraid of the state of limbo; otherwise you can fall back. You will crystallize again like ice. You will have a nama-rupa, a name-form, identity, but you have missed.
Tags: Question Of Understanding
