Live Quality
We also become attached to our constructed identities. The ego is the I, the me, our personal identity. It is our perception of self, the separation of ourselves from others, our attachment to who we think we are. It is an illusion that we have created to distract us from the truth. We fear losing our identity, as this identity gives us something to cling on to. Our attachment to these physical objects and relationships has left many people empty and struggling to find some form of identity.
Non-attachment and openness allows the individual to accept alternative ideas, possibilities, and change. This facilitates the cultivation of new ideas and opportunities and promotes the state of ‘beingness’ as opposed to ‘doingness.’
Non-attachment gives us the freedom, space, and time to contemplate the true meaning of life, while attachment distracts us from reality.
Tarun’s personal experiences regarding being a container devoid of any labeling or identities are from my home only. I have a son who was born deaf since birth and after few years I came to know that he is losing his eyesight also gradually. Doctors told me that this is due to a kind of genetic problem called Usher Syndrome and there is no treatment of it. Naturally I was shattered and became overly protective of him. I did what was required from time to time for his hearing aids, delaying his loss of vision by alternative therapies, his schooling in special school and then in normal school etc. We faced a lot of difficulties, challenges during this journey. Naturally I was constantly worried about his future being his father. I became over protective and started cocooning his life by banishing him from doing this or that, don’t play there, don’t go there, you won’t be able to do this task as it will be too difficult for you, take arts and don’t take science subjects as you won’t be able to handle etc. etc. As a result he became a closed personality and a loner. Unknowingly I was stunting his growth and potential by my anxiety and worry about him. I was assuming him as my own extension and not a different identity. I was too much identified with being his father.
One day while he was in 9th standard, he himself told me that I am doing much harm to him by being over protective. He told me, “Papa, let me fall, let me make mistakes, let me go to places, let me choose my path, let me find myself. You won’t be here always to protect me. I know you love me too much but this is causing problems for me.” That gave me a jolt and a realization dawned upon me that he is a different soul, a different identity. He will make his own path and destiny. My role is to just be there, be a guide wherever required and motivate him in whatever he likes to do.
From that day I dropped my identity as a father and became more relaxed, at ease and in peace. I started doing what was required at the moment for him without too much worrying about the outcome. I surrendered to the will of the divine or universal consciousness and let the things happen for him rather than trying to control them. He fought, worked hard, did mistakes, stumbled, got up again and today he is in an Engineering college pursuing his B. Tech. in Computer Science which he always loved. It is not that challenges are gone or everything has become easy for him but he has become stronger and learnt to face them by being himself.
