Accept Yourself

Love Relates

Relationship is a structure, and love is unstructured. So love relates, certainly, but never becomes a relationship. Love is a moment-to-moment process. Remember it. Love is a state of your being, not a relationship. There are loving people and there are unloving people. Unloving people pretend to be loving through the relationship. Loving people need not have any relationship – love is enough.

Be a loving person rather than in a love relationship – because relationships happen one day and disappear another day. They are flowers; in the morning they bloom, by the evening they are gone.

You be a loving person, Mantra.

But people find it very difficult to be a loving person, so they create a relationship – and befool that way that “Now I am a loving person because I am in a relationship.” And the relationship may be just one of monopoly, possessiveness, exclusiveness.

Relationship may be just out of fear, may not have anything to do with love. Relationship may be just a kind of security – financial or something else. The relationship is needed only because love is not there. Relationship is a substitute.

Become alert! Relationship destroys love, destroys the very possibility of its birth.

It is not that first you have to practice this and then you have to practice that. If you can simply manage being loving and not being attached…it is attachment that kills love, because it is attachment that destroys freedom, and love cannot exist in a state of bondage.

Love can exist only in total freedom.

Freedom is also part of the spiritual qualities; you cannot separate them. But in the beginning one has to start from very raw material, so that if one is alert one can sort out what is wrong. If people are not alert, they start doing very stupid things.

Seeing that love brings a certain kind of bondage, rather than destroying the bondage and its causes, they start becoming afraid of love. After a few experiences of getting into love and getting caught in bondage, they become certain that love is going to create chains for them, an imprisonment; it is better to live without love.

They harden their hearts. But they have misunderstood the whole thing. It was not love that was creating the bondage; it was attachment, it was jealousy.

If you can love without jealousy, if you can love without attachment, if you can love a person so much that his happiness is your happiness…. Even if he is with some other woman and he is happy, it makes you happy because you love him so much: his happiness is your happiness. You will be happy because he is happy, and you will be grateful to the woman who made the person you love, happy – you will not be jealous. Then love has come to a purity.

This love cannot create any bondage. And this love is simply the opening of the heart to all the winds, to the whole sky. It looks a little strange; but we have been taught continually that love is a relationship, so we have become accustomed to the idea that love is a relationship. But that is not true. That is the lowest kind – very polluted.