Ordinarily you live a very, very limited life. You don’t allow your energy to fully play. A fragmented life. You want to love somebody, but you don’t love them totally. Now I don’t say make your love perfect love. It is not possible, because a perfect love will mean now there is no more growth possible. It will be a death. I say make your love total, whole.
Love wholly. Whatsoever is in you, don’t hold it. Give it totally, give in totally. Flow into the other totally; don’t hold. This is the only thing that will make you whole.
If you are swimming, swim totally. If you are walking, walk totally. In the walking, just become the walking, nothing else. If you are eating, eat totally.
Somebody asked Chao-chou, a great Zen Master, “What did you used to do before you became enlightened?”
He said, “I used to chop wood and fetch water from the well.”
The man asked, “Now that you have become enlightened, what do you do?”
He said, “The same. I chop wood and I fetch the water from the well.”
The man was a little puzzled; he said, “But what is the difference then?”
Chao-Chou said, “The difference is much. Before, I used to do many more things side by side. Chopping wood, I would think of many things. Carrying water from the well, I would think of many things. But now I simply carry the water, I simply chop the wood. Even the chopper has disappeared. Just chopping. Just chopping, nobody’s there.”
This will give you a feeling of wholeness. Make wholeness a constant concern.
Remember it. Drop the idea of perfection. It has been given to you by your parents, mother, father, teachers, colleges, universities, churches… but they have all made you neurotic. The whole world is suffering from neurosis.
A mother took her little boy to a psychiatrist and asked, “Doctor, can a boy of ten marry a film star like Elizabeth Taylor?”
The doctor said, “Of course not, madam, it is quite impossible.”
The mother looked at her little boy and said, “See, what did I tell you? Now go out and get a divorce.”
Not only is the boy neurotic, the mother also – and the mother is more so. Neurotic parents give birth to neurotic children.
Many times people ask Osho – Anurag has asked many times – I have never answered – “Why don’t you allow your sannyasins to have babies? Why do you give so much trouble to Dr. Phadnis?” First I would like you to become non neurotic; otherwise you will give birth to neurotic babies. The world is full of neurosis. At least don’t increase it. I am not concerned about the population; that is the politicians’ concern. My concern is neurosis. You are neurotic; out of your neurosis you give birth to children.
They are also a distraction to you. Because you are fed up with yourself, you would like some distraction. Children are beautiful distractions. They create more troubles. Your troubles have become almost old; you are fed up with them. You would like some new troubles also. The husband is fed up with the wife, the wife is fed up with the husband.
They would like somebody to stand between them: a child. Many marriages are held together by children. Otherwise they would have fallen apart. Once the children are there, the mother starts thinking of the responsibility to the children, the father starts thinking of the duty to the children. Now there exists a bridge.
And the mother and the father both are loaded with their own madness, problems, anxieties. What are they going to give to these children? What have they to give? They talk about love, but they are violent. Their love is already poisoned, they don’t know what love is, and then in the name of love they torture. In the name of love they try to kill the life; in the children. They make their life structured. In the name of love they dominate, they possess. And of course the children are very helpless, so do whatsoever you want to do. Beat them, mold them this way or that, force them to carry your unfulfilled desires and ambitions so that when you are dead they will be carrying your ambitions and they will be trying the same nonsense that you were trying to do.
I would like you to have children, but to become a father, to become a mother, is not so easy.
Once you are whole, then become a mother, become a father. Then you will give birth to a child who will be a freedom, who will be, health and wholeness, who will be graceful – and that will be a gift to the world. And he will make the world a little better than it is.
Otherwise not; otherwise you are enough!
“Why did you put me in the same room with that fellow?” asked the indignant patient in the asylum.
“The hospital is crowded,” explained the doctor. “Is he being troublesome then?”
“Troublesome? He is nuts! He keeps looking around the room saying, ‘No lions, no tigers, no elephants,’ and all the time the room is full of them!”
Mad people think others are mad. Mad people never think they are mad. Once a madman recognizes that he is mad, he is already on the path of sanity.
Try to see your madness, recognize it. That will help you to become sane.
“Nagging, worrying perfectionism.” Try to be whole. Otherwise that perfectionism will nag you. Become whole. Do whatsoever you want to do, but do it totally. Dissolve into it, melt into it, and by and by you will have a flowering of your being. Then, then there is no idea of perfection in you.
But you are incomplete, divided, fragmentary. That’s why continuously the idea arises “How to be perfect?” Be whole, and the idea will drop on its own accord.
“Pride” and “actor personality.” Of course people who are trying to be perfect will become actor personalities. They will have personas; they will hide themselves behind masks. They will not allow their reality to be seen by others. They will always try to pretend; they will be hypocrites. They will always try to perform, to prove. They know who they are, and they will try to prove that they are somebody else.
And the difficulty is that they may not be able to convince others, but they can always convince themselves. That’s how neurosis arises.
Just be yourself, at whatsoever cost. Whatsoever the cost, be yourself. Be sincere. In the beginning there will be much fear because you think that you are a great man and suddenly you reveal yourself to be an ordinary man. There will be fear, the ego will feel hurt; but let it feel hurt. In fact let it starve and die. Help it to death. Be ordinary, be simple, and you will become more whole and the tension will dissolve and there will be no need continuously to perform. It is such a great tension – continuously on performance, continuously in the show window, just watching what people are thinking and what you have to do to prove that you are something special. But just think about others also: they are all doing the same thing!
The whole world is worried too much because everybody is trying to prove something which he is not, and others are doing the same. And nobody wants to see that you are great. They know that you are not, because how can they believe in your greatness? They themselves are great. You also know that nobody is great other than you. You may not say so, but everybody deep down goes on believing it.
I have heard that in Arabian countries they have a joke that whenever God makes a new man he plays a trick. He whispers in his ear, “You are the best I have yet made – the greatest.” But he has been doing that to everybody, so everybody is convinced of his own greatness.
Try to walk on earth. Be realistic. And if you are ordinary, you will suddenly see many doors opening which were dosed because of your tense state. Relax.
And of course pride comes again and again in different ways, so watch. And always remember, it will come in subtle ways, so make your watching more accurate, exact, alert.
Yes, meditation will do. Nothing else is needed. Just meditate more, so you can see things clearly.
Tags: Feeling Of Wholeness Patanjali
